We’re not really hot on ‘labels’ here at BLT, but it struck me as I was watching the latest depressing episode in Albert Square, that much as storylines seem to get repeated every five years, so do the stock characters! Could the same be true of the characters one finds in the world of Indirect Tax? If one too readily identifies yourself with any of these character types – then be warned, sooner or later you may come to a sticky end (or get axed when the next cast reshuffle comes around). We’d suggest that the trick to a long and successful career in the soap opera that is Indirect Tax could well be to diversify and consider picking up some of the more palatable personality traits of your fellow cast members. Take the following as examples:
You’re everyone’s best mate, and see yourself as the life and soul of the party. You’re the star of the show….currently at least. But maybe you’re a bit naïve – you seem eternally surprised when bad things happen – maybe a little less cheery disposition, a little more self-preservation wouldn’t go amiss, Mick Carter, otherwise we’re a bit worried you might end up back starring in Z list Guy Ritchie type films.
I guess better this though, than being Sharon Mitchell – some very dubious life and career decisions have led you to having multiple responsibilities, none of which you’re performing very well. You need to focus on getting at least one part of your life trouble free – just like your men, the more balls you juggle, the more you’ll drop them.
Or alternatively you could have schemed your way to the top, letting nothing stand in your way. You’re desperate for someone to appreciate you, but more often than not, any kind of contact with you usually means bad things for your collaborator. People will steer clear of you Max Branning in fear that they may also fall off high buildings by association. Maybe try to think a little more of others as you scale the slippery slope.
You put on a good front. You strut around the square, dabbling in whatever takes your fancy at the time. Everyone thinks that you’re a tough cookie, but scrape away that make-up, and you’re vulnerable like no other – it’s just a matter of time before you self destruct again, and who’ll be there to pick up the pieces this time, Kat Slater. What’s missing is that strong base upon which to build your career; we think you need to find that – and quick.
Somehow, despite your natural weaselly tendencies, you’ve been around the longest and inexplicably to many, are now seen as a successful business person. You’re still deeply unlikeable though, and your other half will probably leave you, Ian Beale – they’ve done so several times after all. In all likelihood, it won’t be long before you end up homeless again. You should keep an eye out for your next match in preparation – but you’re doing that anyway no doubt.
Throughout your career, you’ve changed faces and personality so many times, that no-one knows the real you any more. Whilst one admires your chameleon like tendencies, sooner or later you’ll confuse your audience like the latest casting of Ben Mitchell. You run the risk of people clamouring for your previous incarnation if they don’t like the current version.
You’ve done some exciting things in your time, but those heady days are long gone, and people start to wonder why you’re still there. Best get a good storyline quick, or it might be that you’ll be let go earlier than you thought, poor Kathy Beale.
Not known for being a high-flyer, you’re Mr Slow and Steady – and will probably be happy selling your fruit and veg for eternity. You blend into the scenery – and herein lies the problem Martin Fowler – you’ll be eternally put upon, and at the mercy of your more dynamic co-stars. We suspect a career change would do wonders.
The eternal joker, always ready to brighten up an episode with a bit of humour? There’s no doubt the producers like having you around. But, Kim Fox, that’s all you’re good for, and you never get the best storylines. Best get serious, quick.
You’re fearsome, communicate in grunts, and seemingly are perpetually unaware of what goes on under your nose. Oh, Phil Mitchell, you lay yourself open to the machinations of those that will eternally try to take your job/wife/money (delete as applicable) away from you. We’d normally suggest going on a couple of courses, as your listening and communication skills needs some work, but let’s face it, you’re never likely to change.
You’re quiet, dependable and comforting to have around. You’ve been doing the same job for ages. You’re Tracey, the barmaid in the Queen Vic. Always seen as extra, you ‘probably’ don’t get paid very much and when you do have something to say, its never that earth-shattering, and your audience falls over in shock. You’re unlikely to get the sack, but you’ll probably be doing same thing in 20 years’ time, and are unlikely to get considered for other roles.
Which EastEnders character do you identify with? If any of them, that should be a concern, and probably a good idea to switch soaps to diversify and get a new character. Do call BLT for your recast.
- by Guy Barrand